May 15, 2020


Below this post, Roaring Spring should be cannabilized for Chance Sweepings material.

Above this post, material for A Study of Sounds.



Keep (through sept 8).

November 30, 2012

November 30, 2012

A greying moustache, a thoughtful round unrevealing countenance, a dark complexion: eye glasses round and wide like his face, which looks in on what and out on what (black person with “lens-like” face)

*
A skeptical look, a wily look, not respectable but responsible and watchful, a greying closely trimmed beard on a spry young white country face — (Seated when I notice his face.)

November 28, 2012

he consumed 2 diet cokes; a coffee; a glass of water; a bagel with butter; a peanut butter cookie; five beers

he consumed A coffee; a bagel with cream cheese; a bagel with jam and butter; four glasses of water; a glass of tomato juice; one beer

He read Henry Miller; the date was 2/8; The Statue of Man Opening A Window was conceived of; he consumed 3 Tortillas;

later seeing a circle of light cast by a street lamp he conceived of it as an opened tortilla; (he conceived of the feet crossing over it as ladled black beans or pintos). Around 2.30 he slept.

*

He sprang up with uncustomary liveliness. He heard, on the alarm clock radio, a pledge drive. The time was six-thirty: The time was twelve AM. He rolled his chair inadvertantly over the paw of a cat. At 3.30 he slept and worked.

He arrived five minutes early: a half an hour early: two and a half hours early. He arrived five minutes late: He punched in a minute late. He punched out an hour early — a half an hour early– he punched in a few minutes late. “I had to get my haircut,” he explained. “I was in an unavoidable rush,” he said. “Were you in a rush last night?” it was asked. “I was not in a rush,” he replied in a voice. (He saw it was seven thirty on the clock.) The Time was seven forty. The time was 8.25 PM.

*

this is a game changer, he thought. “I haven’t had a thought in years,” he conceived; “I haven’t had a thought in months,” she had once said it was she, he remembered, who had first used this expression –what did it mean?– had he had a thought sometime recently?

He covertly consumed chips and lost weight. Gained weight. Was obese. He wasn’t thin. He was once thin, now he was “wasting away.” Consumed a tortilla. Consumed ten beers.

*

He walked a lot, would walk all night. He saw the sun rise and the sun set and the moon rise and set as well. Do I saunter or do I commute he would ask? (He tried to saunter but it was a commute.) Now he got into financial work. Circuitous repeating unintelligent racionations, he would tell himself about this work.

November 27, 2012


Reduction of hours; subsequent reduction of paycheck and tips; correlative deflation of cheer and puissance. There is “kindly dealing”, time and infrequent abuse.

Increase in hours; subsequent sense of financial relief combined with strong interest in “physical relief”. (Physical parts deemed in need of relief).

*

the workman races, for some reason, to his work truck. Between a truck and a trailer attachment to a truck he watched as a workman ran to the cab of his truck –it was an HVAC truck. It was a sliver of time he recalls and a sliver space between the trailer and truck

Comically, the dog. Comically, the dog in the house one quarter the way up the big hill was in its yard. This is a funny dog who is old and maybe blind also for he always barks at the man where he thinks he is and this generally is not where the man actually is. (the man considers profoundly “there is much that is like this”)



November 26, 2012

What is a sure benefit of pain the absence of imagined pain

Walking with a light step, woman at gas station very near coming to term.

“supermoon” said to be near.

November 24, 2012

When she came down I was sitting with a coffee on the couch –I took my backpack, which was filled with shoes– there had been a light rain perhaps– we had been in a drought.

My street shoes were so far feeling good so I decided to stick with them to start — in the early morning I had rooted through a pile of laundry upstairs while Er. was in the laundry to see if I could find a second pair of clean socks — they were unmatching but would do beneath the wool ones– it was perhaps these socks, not the street shoes, that held the key to my feet’s present comfort, I considered.

*

Mrs. L: –what did I use for softening my skin? –(nothing) — had I heard of sweet grass? (no)– what was a “fanny pack”? (I had no idea).

November 20, 2012

I set down my coffee cup, and took my legs down from the desk, before sneezing. I felt the sneeze coming on. How many times had I spilled coffee on myself because of it: consequently, there was no rush involved but even a kind of genteel and leisurely care employed as I set the coffee cup on a pad of post-it notes first.

*

it is like one of the friends is the bikini top and the other of the friends is the bikini bottom and the invisible body of the swimmer itself is the particularities of their relationship– and the midriff is the space between them, as they stand together, through which he sees a bit of wainscotting, part of a table, and a shod human foot by the table base

November 17, 2012

Behind this seeming windbag there was an old soul with one thought (voice over for movie preview)

Behind this old windbag there was a a fiery eyed youthful soul who would never give in (stick with the first one)

Behind this fiery eyed youthful soul there was a seeming windbag who yet would never, but under certain conditions, give in

*

November 9, 2012

“Culture is the means to self-discovery” (Buzz said) – I was late to work. I had called L at 9.00 and asked, Am I in at 10:30 or 11:30? He said 9.30. I said I’m confused — quick shower then hustling — running perhaps a mile of the three mile commute.

The sense, while I walked and ran, that hurrying was good for a person of my sort; that slowness, if it could ever be found and attained, would be found on the other side of my “unmanly haste” (of exhaustion)…. (The sense that this terminology –slowness, “type”, unmanly haste, mostly all arose from Nietzsche.)

*

Woman, who I have always known to appear in a soccer outfit suddenly and comically appearing in a tennis outfit. (I have one time seen her in a business suit and never in casual clothes.)

Realizing I had left the refrigerator lid open, I stopped doing the dishes to close it, but after closing it, realized I had left the water running for the dishes. I began to daydream at that point that in the space between the opened refrigerator and the sink with the still-running water there had arisen a kind of toxic trap –made of the collision of the two kinds of waste– (the special sort of waste produced by wastefulness, by unnecessary waste) — which would overwhelm anyone who walked in that area. The waste clung to one like an outfit, I further imagined, a soccer or gymnast’s outfit, or like something fashionable, which was the very opposite of the heedlessness that had brought it into being.

November 4, 2012

Did I have a distinct memory of having locked the door? …. I could remember distinctly knocking a white plastic chip with my broom and watching it skirt across the floor in the area of the front door — but what had I thought at that point?

Did I look at the door, when the chip struck it, and then lock it? Had I seen the chip strike it and think “the door’s already locked” and been correct? Had I thought it had been locked and been incorrect? Did I check whether or not I was correct by trying the door handle? Had I thought about the door at all at that time or merely remarked to myself that the plastic bead had struck it? Had I thought to myself, what is that plastic bead or chip and will I have to pick it up, not thinking at all of the status of the door’s lock?

My only memory of the door from that evening was the plastic chip striking it, yet it told me nothing about whether or not I’d locked it, upon which question, lying awake, everything now seemed dependent.

October 30, 2012

Slow day and depressed he’d wrote, Wished to leap and bound like Douglas Fairbanks, but always I blenched, couldn’t smile, and felt daunted . He felt that he looked German in his hiking boots and shorts: thought he walked more like a military man than like Wordsworth. To bound about like Douglas Fairbanks! he thought, but he was not bounding about.

*

Called a friend about retirement homes, finished another box of kleenexes, and stopped again at the Dunkin Donuts. At the counter, the clerk made a joke with the customer: she had purchased three drinks and he had offered her three bags.

October 26, 2012

Someone had left the Andrew Jackson biography and Book of Psalms out beneath the lamp. I got them, put them in the book shelf.

*
My coworker had put a stack of medium cups on top of a stack of large cups. (I took the medium cups off the large ones)

*
As I entered the door, as I passed by the customer at the register, I fumbled at the straps of my backpack, which fell to his feet. (He didn’t turn to see what had fallen, though one of the straps touched the hem of his pants.)

*
I heard that one had lost her job; another had sold her house; that another was to meet with her yoga instructor; from another I heard a story about Oakland; from another I heard of the markups of various kinds of commodities (gas, bread, milk); from another I heard dispraise of two current movies.

October 19, 2012

man with the perfectly kept lawn, house, cars, dog, elbows on his fence: short sleeves, white shirt, light blue pants, broad rimmed glasses. The previous night he had been out also, a transistor radio in the corner of his yard on a stool he put only that radio on. He had been washing his car on the street and set up a small red cone behind it.

ITEM. A movie I was watching mentioned “Les Palmes Savages”. ITEM. Eleanor returned home and gave as an example of something she discussed the author “William Faulkner”. ITEM. Unbeknownst to Eleanor, I had been reading a biography of William Faulkner; I had just, in fact, read its treatment of The Wild Palms….

So the question of coincidence arose again. Did the mind compose correspondences (to serve some interior purpose, either psychological or practical, an evolutionary device or tic)? or did the world form these correspondences (in the likeness of a message) which the mind merely identified? (which was like asking, is there a God? are these His signs?) And if statistics can explain the appearance of coincidence, does that say anything about that “likeness of a message”? (And why, incidentally, couldn’t I understand statistics? Why couldn’t I understand those signs?)

Work partner, who doesn’t know English well, asked me to explain Battleship, the boardgame, to her. I pointed to one part of the board, held up a white plastic pin then a red one, and moved them each to places around the board. I made an “explosion motion” with my hands, gestured “explosion.” Held thoughtfully the red and white pieces in my hand as one, crouching, might hold a handful of dirt.

October 16, 2012

The Everyday. (Events that are smaller than a day are “the every day”: days are merely “brief history” while the everyday is “history too brief to have a first or last moment” or consecutiveness; the everyday has always been; the everyday cannot ever have happened before because it is always present; it is the “unseen mundane” (J. Latta). (Granted the everyday’s unremarkable, how much of it may be remarked upon). (“The earth we walk over and our walk over the earth.”)

*

Delivery man knocked, friendly, lots of deliveries. Stood by calendar with biblical scenes by the first aid kit –May– (last time I checked there were only a few band-aids in the kit.) Later applied a large but old bandage from there to the burn on my colleague’s arm.

Claire; Lynne; stow the perishables away; new sanitizer; find there’s a situation with the bathroom, which has been locked from the inside. A customer shows me how to open it with a debit card (I ask him to be shown that again).

October 12, 2012

cause of allergies remaining elusive. They began tonight as I bit into my sandwich of alfafa sprouts on toast. They begin –when I arrive at work– they conclude at work around 5 PM– they have begun when I take something out of the drier as well as when I put something in –they will stop when I take something off– they will not stop when I take something off– it will remain dormant for days — my idea has been that there is not a cause of them

October 6, 2012

a sharp knife, a bottle cap, a cork, a wrapper for some cheese, a box of crackers, a bottle of soda, a cylindrical plastic carton of hummus, a mug

*
He set out to purchase (making a list): coffee, soda, a frozen diet meal, parmesian cheese, beer. He purchased: coffee, soda, a can of spinache, a bottle of parmesian cheese, a can of refried beans, a box of rice, a tooth brush, a bottle of beer, and a frozen diet meal. He consumed on returning a can of beans, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, and a bottle of beer. He read of Abram’s father. He noted that Lot was the son of Abram’s brother. He noted Lot’s other brother had married the daughter of the father of Lot. He observed that the father of Lot, one of Abram’s two brothers, had died before his father — he had died in the land he was born in.

*
He ate fruit salad and sharpened a knife, walked by a fence, walked over a baseball mound. In the corner of the park one saw the spire of a greek orthodox church. He slept in a van, in a car, in a car. He slept in a car and on the floor of a van en route to Seattle. Slept in a park, in a van, by a rig, on a couch, on another couch, on the floor, on another floor, this one carpeted, where he slept still.

September 29, 2012

coincidence. Was given the order of a person, and I thought, Is she an English person? Then two customers with English accents came in, a man and a woman –separately but one after the other– and both ordered a smoothie and a soup. Then a customer whom I knew to be English, and who had an English accent, entered with her husband, who is an American, with no accent that I could detect, and they ordered their usual and I made it, after which the woman who had ordered before in what I had then believed to be an English accent ordered something else again but this time I could detect no accent. (In fact, it was clear she hadn’t any accent.) The whole suggestion of Englishness now seemed a sort of dreamy prologue to the arrival of the actual English woman with the American husband whom I knew.

coincidence. there is not only coincidence but periods of coincidence, periods in which there are many instances of coincidence, followed by periods in which there aren’t any. (Note. Perhaps the Precambrian era could be looked upon as a time of very little coincidence.) I had gone through a period of experiencing many coincidences and wondered, because of it, what is coincidence? But then there was a period of no coincidences during which I thought not at all of coincidence.

September 21, 2012

held between two fingers, the index of the left hand and the outer part of the thumb on the right, the knees now bent to absorb the shock of the next one and the spine arched back and the head thrust forward (it having been propelled there, almost to the knees, by the force of the first of the sneezes)

September 14, 2012

Red fallen plum tree leaves, I noted. They were scattered on the wooden steps in the sunlight by the white wall of brick. A woman that I regularly see looked especially nice today I crossed out — this was also something I’d entered in the book. She was to return to her home country that afternoon and had dressed for the flight. (Short, Republican, The Gambia.)

A woman had recently taken an exam to qualify as a sommelier; another woman kept calling vegetables “vegetation” in a conversation about cooking. Felt “melancholic” yet jocularly quizzed someone with a trivia question — (did he know the smallest country in continental Africa).

September 7, 2012

Resolved that I wouldn’t call to see if I was scheduled to work, but would wait to be called and told I was late for work. (I was later called and told I was late). Had it really been established I’d work doubles until M returned? (It was possible I had agreed to this, or even that I had offered to do this, or even that I had insisted on doing it, but I could remember nothing at all.)

*
I held a red pen, scribbled 124.00 in the box; gave my signature in the line below; my printed name in black letters on the plain yellow background were toward the top; I wrote out one hundred and twenty-four dollars and no cents (to the power company) […]

September 7, 2012

arm hanging out from window, not really black, a sort of dark

the hand not really limp, but mainly so, or not relaxed, although it seems to hang — a forearm bone — and one thinks of the feeling of the car’s window ledge — frame — upon the flesh on the bottom of one’s forearm, the pinched skin he must feel. Rubber feeling maybe. Car now rounding the corner

*
A hand relaxed out of some workman’s truck, long tubes along the length of it —at least 12 cubits in length he joked– forecastle he joked, Gold wedding band.

*
The parking lot a kind of lock: when the level rises, cars float off onto “roads” (Canals’ waters.) . Drivers at wheels are peasants at long polls. Their pedals actually dig into the asphalt’s bottom in a sense and propel them to the next “lock.” (They are “in up to the waist.”)

August 27, 2012

Armand, Tim (facing each other); later Tim, Sandra and Armand; one person called Tim Sandra Armand; or Tim Sandra Armand Table; or Tim Sandra Armand Table Wood Floor; Tim Sandra Armand Wood Floor Yellow Wall (a book like that in which every word is a name, or the book is only one long name or title, and concerns exclusively one person’s long name, the world’s name, a book that is one long name of everything);

A person called Hand Paninni Grill Hand Touching Hot Panini Grill Hand Withdrawing From Very Hot Grill […] (Naming versus describing or description as a kind of name).

*

Went down to change my shoes. Sit on the canisters that hold the green coffee beans. Look to the right at the monitors of the security cameras, in case a customer should come. This is downstairs. My locker (a small square locker, one of four or five similar lockers, though there is currently only one employee, painted a beige color) (a grey color?) my opened locker is above me on the opposite wall.

One of the shoe inserts has stuck to my feet (shaking foot a couple times). It must be that the casing has broken and some gel that was within it has stuck it to my sock. A customer hasn’t come. There’s no motion in the monitors. Two people at tables, faced the same way, are bent over computers (they are white and grey in the monitors).

August 24, 2012

The wind had picked up. I was at the street corner, was passed by a man, then sat in the benches out front of the Free Clinic — a sick child, her head to the side, was wheeled out the door

Man with dreadlocks and wearing a suit came out of the clinic and sat on a bench. Man in a suit purchased a ticket from the machine on the side of the street then put it on the dashboard of his car and entered the building though another door. A man sat on the bench facing me

August 9, 2012

The sun is one’s life around one and the moon is one’s days around one,and the present is an eclipse of them around one Parallax of the points of one’s days “too close” […] (one imperfectly understands the idea of parallax.) From any point in the present one gazes on the same day and sees a different day, a different theme, incrementally different, by one degree. (The idea that every person one meets in a day is the mark of a sun passing through one degree of its arc.) (one’s experiencing is “the sun”.)

*
We’re Errol Morris, I thought, we’re the “first person”, but not only can no one else see what we see and experience but we ourselves can not see and internalize what we experience in the way that an artwork can. Art is “experience as it should be experienced.”

…Wore double socks for the first time, on a friend’s advice — exceptional advice. No matter which shoes I wore my feet and knees felt better. Wear double socks, is my advice. (Would Melville then proceed to say “and our souls should wear double socks!” –? — )

*
I noticed both my feet had blisters from my new shoes, while I was at the computer this morning, and a bit of skin lifted in a horizontal curving line toward my ankle. There should be, when you go to the shoe store, an aisle that says “shoes”, and this aisle should stand apart from all the other aisles of shoes and the shoes in this aisle would be the ones that you really need because they actually function as shoes. (See: Kurosawa movie about shoes.)

*
pick a point, any point
I went over to the area where there are sugars, milk descanters, a mirror and a trashcan. It is often asked where the trash is — that portal beneath the mirror, I will say — that square aperture there- the blank square beneath the reflective parallelogram — that dark angular gaping darkness in the stained wood, not readily identifiable as a place for trash ; — it’s by the milk

July 30, 2012

The Good Will is right by the recycling place so when I figured out that Eleanor was off this week I forged a plan whereby we would recycle some things, pick up a hawaiin shirt, then go to see a movie of her choice.

I’d been inspired to get a hawaiin shirt from a passage in “GR”, but walked right past the shirt racks when I got in and went downstairs to the books. I only cursorily perused the abundant selection yet came out with Merle Haggard’s autobiography and a hard bound copy of Herzog, fourth edition. Eleanor meanwhile had found a very nice Hawaiin shirt, which I leapt on, though I suspected it might be a bit tight across the shoulders.

It really caused a shake up at work when I wore it the next day. Mrs. –, who never comments on my clothing, said it was “nice” — Tommy’s eyes grew wide with an enthusiasm I hadn’t seen in a while and he said, “I like you’re shirt!” Krystal remarked positively also. Very much like it was in “GR”! (Perhaps, in the U.S., not to attend at all to one’s dress, is the equivalent of being elsewhere too formal.)

July 20, 2012

plinthos. Shadow of a tall pruned rose bush beside clipped dried out weeds plucked earlier that morning by neighbors, weeds in a bundle on a brick patio in the afternoon sun.

A pizza box, papa johns, being tossed on the grass beside the portico over the front door the moment I look out the window: the moment that the backing-up sound of a trash truck has noticeably lessened behind me. The grass, when I look at it later, seems easily to have supported the weight of the papa johns box.

July 14, 2012

Greeks that sat in the back, παντα εναντια ανδρι αφρονι, return of a friend from St. Martin and of another from New Mexico/ Colorado area, he said. 2 pennies short at the “Dd”. May have to travel this week.

July 14, 2012

an asian face with one unfocused eye: a stern or cautious countenance

a woman’s face outside the plate glass door: relaxed Colombian.

a bandaged foot beneath the table. I’d “never seen such nails”, I later reported, as those I saw on the feet of the seated old man who’d stubbed the same toe for the second time that day, he’d said. Excuse me, do you have a bandage, a first aid kit? I was surprised by the brightness of the blood as well as with how formally he’d addressed me. (The reflection that blood, skin and intelligence all age differently.) (Intelligence was sometimes like skin, and sometimes like blood, in the way that it aged, I reflected.) At the time it seemed quite normal, as though I were a health professional, that I would be beneath the table looking at his toe.

July 6, 2012

18th road. the shadow of the wire in the shape of a noose, then two more “wire shadows” across the walk

June 25, 2012

Cleaned the house; First the kitchen, then the desk; decluttered the living room; cleaned the bathroom; vacuumed, didn’t touch my room, only the public or shared space; at around four started cooking; beans and rice with onions sauteed in vegetable oil; time for work; time to get back from work; time to think about Beckett. Thought about Beckett. Read an essay by Wilde but thought about Beckett. Fixed some freeze dried black bean soup. Removed fleece and grew comfortable. With great nimbleness caught a kleenex just as it was about to fly off the nightstand. Had a flash of self-insight at the same time of catching the kleenex by which I seemed clearly to “know the name of my fault,” (whatever that may have meant) as I then put it (I’ve since forgotten everything that could pertain to what I may have meant, but what remains remarkable is the combination of seeming to grasp something intellectually and physically at the same time –catching two things that are not only unrelated but are of unrelated substances).

Stomach muscles tensed as I raised myself to grab a book that had somehow become lodged beneath my right calf on the couch, which was the last thing I recalled of that day.

desiderata

June 21, 2012

*

What had been said on the wikipedia page about what Nietzshe had thought the aim of true history was / to describe the birth and decay of a culture what had Nietzsche called Europeans overfull of an historical sense? (wandering encyclopedias) What in your view is the best feature of the novel Herzog /The quotations What is the movie L’aventurra about? To betray one’s companion and one’s genius is the same. no one serious thinks in this fashion but okay ***where are you going now be precise in your answer ****and : who is the person you are looking at (seeing that person) did you know that person’s name?

June 15, 2012

Discussing astronomy, neither he nor I could could confidently say why the sidereal day was four minutes longer (shorter?) than the solar day.

Resolved to make a stronger effort at my workplace. Sauteed onions with mushrooms and served them over pasta. Watched Douglas Fairbanks (Junior? Senior?) before having fallen asleep.

*
young woman’s face surrounded by dark non descript nimbus of the car interior; angular plastic cloud pale angelic immortalizing car interior; a passing but not memorable yet remembered face.

*
the vein of the mother’s hand as she rests it; two straight lines of tendons appear as she reaches her finger into her child’s sock.

*

not to be wicked and feel spotless or to be spotless and feel wicked or to be spotless and write wickedly but to have “written a wicked book and feel spotless,” Melville wrote.

*
(Disagreement about starch). The gist was the same as that contained in The Meno. I had asked him what starch was and he had told me what it was good for and what starch was found in and other things about starch but had no comment about what it really was and said finally he had no idea.

Bolus of Everything

April 1, 2012

Bolus of Everything bagel, it’s fallen seeds (two types) in a cluster on the countertop. Myself with bolus (oil painting portrait title) looking at an empty room intended for a crowd of people –a small, closed, perpetually failing, perpetually subsisting, mom and pop coffee shop with fourteen chairs, four stools, one couch, all empty– with my elbows on the countertop. A large glass pane that looks out on the night scene of the street, a full mouth. (A person of an age that should know restraint instead gasping out of what is called stress for air from around the stale bagel he eats.) The dry mop leans on an arm of the couch; the wet mop is not yet wet, and stands upright in the dry yellow bucket at the stair’s landing. The bucket bottom is unclean and does not seem something one would clean with. The broom in my hand, part of a stale bagel in my hand, which, as I try to get the bolus that has come from it down, I unthinkingly toss in the trash.